Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
just found out that she named her cat after me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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