So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Randomize
