It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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