im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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