he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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