I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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