are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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