I love how my cats smell like pot.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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