my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
