____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
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