My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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