So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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