Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
