well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
