like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
