What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
