I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize