I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
