3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
