You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
