fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
