oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
