I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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