Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
