Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
this beer tastes like vomit already
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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