Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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