his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
