we have pet lesbian snakes
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just had sex on a roof
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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