shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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