in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
