dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize