I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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