and she was petting her beer can
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
