So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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