is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He better not be in your backpack
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
