i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize