I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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