your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just invented taco cereal.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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