I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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