My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
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