Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
