I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
