In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
