I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
