is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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