A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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