clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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