somebody snuck up and got me drunk
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
we're making bets on your personal life
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
