I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
