But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
