i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
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