i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
