if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
