I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
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