This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
