...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
