Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
