I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
