What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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