just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
