I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
