I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
