The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
last night I used snow as a chaser
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