There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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