She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize