Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
