feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
They have beer where we have blood.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
