Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
