i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize