just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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